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THE MOST CONSIDERATE HOTEL EVER?

4/6/2015

6 Comments

 
T plus 25 - Kuqa

I arrived in the little town of Kuqa at 12.30am.  Tired, hungry and desperate for a shower.  I enquired at six places which turned me down because they didn’t have the license to take in foreigners.  Guess the Government only wants foreigners to see what they want them to see huh.

So anyway, the seventh place – praise the heavens – did have the necessary blessings from the authorities to accommodate me.  The price wasn’t too bad – RMB198, about 50% more than what I usually pay at my budget choices.

First thing that knocked my socks off – they do laundry for free.  At 1.00am in the morning.  And they did 16 articles of clothing in 20 minutes flat.  Really.  I handed off my clothes and the doorbell rang before I finished my shower.  And the nice lady hangs up the slightly damp (clean) clothes for you, giving her assurance that they’ll be dry by morning.

Second thing.  Check out the little goodie basket below.


Picture
From Left to Right – sachet of laundry detergent, disposable towel, shaver and cream, ok-normal-so-far-but-wait, men’s tonic (it says “happy nights” and “hard-time and long-time” on the back) (RMB25), condom with vibrating ring (RMB25), “constant erection” pill which is “better than Viagra and Cialis” (RMB25), individually wrapped condom (free-of-charge, awwww thanks)
Awesome. 

Am I missing something or did I just check myself into a sex hotel?  Do they even have these things in China??
6 Comments
Carmen
4/6/2015 06:16:30 am

I'm amused that they think you'd just need one condom =)

Reply
Bosco
5/6/2015 07:14:13 am

This is real data mining and decision management at it's very best. And that too in some God forsaken town and at an unearthly hour ...Can you imagine a customized goodie bag for arguably the randiest guy in South East Asia.. of course as your friend says just 1 condom ...where exactly have they got this database of your activities ...???.. awesome ... totally awesome .. can we hire some of those blokes for our DM team :)

Reply
Carmen
6/6/2015 06:25:32 am

Big data is everywhere, Bosco!

Reply
Neoh
6/6/2015 05:28:01 pm

Dear Bosco and Carmen.

First of all, they've been smart. The first condom is on the house. Then you have to upgrade to the battery assisted one which costs RMB25!

Secondly, I have discovered that the basket of male performance enhancers are in all hotels. So maybe you want to reconsider the big data angle. I believe this would be referred to as the carpet bombing approach. Haha!

Reply
Bosco
8/6/2015 05:15:01 am

Neoh,

As always we enjoy your travelogue... however some of your less fortunate friends and certainly less informed friends and ex-colleagues incl myself are intrigued by some of the contents of the goodie bag.. at last count 26 repeat 26 requests have been received for a goodie bag like the one above .. if you're agreeable to getting us this supply, please let me know your bank account number to bank in the equiv RMB for this bulk purchase.

Reply
Neoh
9/6/2015 09:27:01 am

Haha Bosco! As always, I am at your disposal. However, as your friend, I feel it is my duty to try to dissuade you (and the others) because who knows what goes into these magic potions. I would feel immensely guilty if permanent damage were to result.

However, if you're adamant, I'll see what I can do. I am in Kyrgyzstan now though. Maybe the basket of goodies here is even more potent?! Will keep you posted. Hahahaha.

Reply



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